|Rants and Raves|
|This is where I used to vent my frustrations so that I could be happy happy nice nice all the time in real life without my head exploding. Although I don't do tech support anymore and no longer have to deal with this personally (does family count? ;) I left it up for posterity so that you could get a laugh out of it.|
12-13-01 - You Must Be At Least This Smart To Ride The Internet...
Welcome to my first official rant. Most of the time I love my job. My co-workers are pleasant, smart, and fun, and the perks are decent. But sometimes... well, sometimes the clientele are enough to try a person's patience. A very wise person said "This job would be great if it wasn't for the (censored) customers".. After 6 years of interacting with the general public, I'm starting to agree. What (I assume) are normally intelligent, rational people seem to turn into insane, blathering idiots as soon as they turn on the computer. Most calls are (thankfully) your run of the mill questions, comments, and technical issues. Some of the callers, however, are straight from the twilight zone.
Submitted for your entertainment: some of the calls we have nightmares about.
"I'm calling to tell you that your internet service is broken. I
can't connect to your server. I keep getting this error message.. It
says "no dial tone. Check to make sure your phone line is plugged
in". I demand a credit for my inconvenience. What? Have I checked
to make sure that my phone line is plugged in? Do you think I'm an idiot?
Of course it's plugged in. Oh... wait. I only have one phone line and
it's currently plugged into my telephone... So you're saying that to
get on the internet, I have to plug the phone line into my computer instead?
No one ever told me that when I signed up.. I still think I should get
a free year of service for this. I'm switching to AOL. Your service really
sucks. You're all stupid. *Click*
I love it when people try to sound "computer savvy" or call screaming because they're frustrated, rather than just admitting they don't know what the heck they're talking about and asking for help. I mean, if you're calling to ask for help, isn't it a good idea to be nice to the person who's trying to help you and answer their questions? This is just a small sample of the strange things we hear each day...
1.) "And how much time do you get with your UNLIMITED TIME PLAN?" (after you just got done explaining that there are two plans to choose from: 10 hours a month, or UNLIMITED TIME each month)..
2.) "I had to reboot my whole monitor. Now I need to reload your browser settings in my desktop." *(in case you don't speak gibberish, the translation is that they had to REFORMAT their HARD DRIVE, and therefore needed to reconfigure Dial-Up Networking. Presumably, no monitors were actually harmed.)
3.) One gentleman was trying to describe why he was quitting his old service and coming to ours.. in his own words, "AOL crashed my floppy drive and It was illegal. I don't want to get in to trouble... " *(translation: he had an illegal operation error and his HARD drive crashed. Rather than just rebooting and trying again, he gave up and blamed the software, which he thought had literally done something illegal. This happened more times than I can count. Come on people - do you really think that an illegal operation error means that the police have been notified and are on their way? If so, you probably just forgot to take your medication today.)
4.) along the same lines as number 3, I once had a woman call who was getting illegal operation errors every time she tried to do anything. She was livid. screaming. saying that she hadn't done anything wrong and that we were going to be in big trouble when the cops got there because she would tell them that our software was what had caused the illegal behavior by her computer. She refused to believe that it was a simple error message and that no cops would be coming to haul her away. she went on like this for 30 minute before I could calm her down and speak to her as a human being and not some crazed-foaming-at-the-mouth, semi-retarded lunatic. It turns out that she had re-installed windows on top of itself without first formatting the drive - 4 TIMES! Even after explaining what the message meant and how she could fix it, she still maintained that "the internet" was to blame as though it was some malicious entity that had a personal vendetta against her. She demanded that we fix our software (which most of our 500,000+ customers had no problems with).. She also demanded a free year of service and alot of other rediculous things. I guess there's really no kind way to tell someone that their only problems are "user error" and sub-par computer skills. That, and it would get you fired if you did. But I have to ask. why would anyone call a highly paid, skilled professional for help and then refuse to listen or follow detailed directions about how to fix the problem? Why would you call someone for help, and then scream and talk over that person the entire time and refuse to answer questions that would let them help you? What possesses people to be so rude, disrespectful, and childish? Why do grown adults think that it's acceptable to throw temper tantrums that would put a 2 year old's worst fit to shame? Do they treat everyone they encounter in life like that, or just random captive-audience customer service people who are forced to treat them like human beings and take their abuse? It makes no sense. my faith in humanity is really starting to waver.
If this wasn't my real life, it might be amusing.
1-07-01 - How Was My Day? This Pretty Much Says It All
1-13-01 - Error 691 - The username and password you have supplied is incorrect on the domain.
1. Verify the UN and PASS is correct. Correct case, correct spacing. Make
sure you specify CASE several times. Eventually they will understand that
they need to stop typing with CAPS LOCK on.
1-20-01 - Some Common Technical Abbreviations explained
RTFM - Read the Freaking Manual
PEBCAC - Problem Exists Between Computer and Chair
PEBCAK - Problem Exists Between Computer and Keyboard
WTF - What the F$%K
LMAO - Laughing My A$$ Off
ROFL - Rolling on the Floor Laughing
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